


only dreams now

by paraTactician



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-09
Updated: 2011-09-09
Packaged: 2017-10-23 14:17:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/251224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paraTactician/pseuds/paraTactician
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Not every Dave gets to be an Alpha Dave.</p><p>(Originally written for Round 2 of <a href="http://hs-olympics.livejournal.com/">HSO 2011</a>.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	only dreams now

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm participating in the [Homestuck Shipping Olympics](http://hs-olympics.livejournal.com/), as a member of Team Dave<3Terezi (surprise, surprise).
> 
> My submission for the first round was basically just daft fluff and not very good. I was happier with my second round piece (although we eventually decided to send ['The Arbiter's Choice'](http://archiveofourown.org/works/249431) into the finals, because it's awesome). Then my incomparable friendleader [Cephied_Variable](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Cephied_Variable/pseuds/Cephied_Variable) went back and drew me a bunch of illustrations to go with the story.
> 
> I can't draw, so just having art for one of my fics is exciting enough, but having Ceph's art is _really_ exciting, because I'm a huge fan of her style. So I just had to stick the result up on here.
> 
> The prompt for Round 2 was 'Insight' - the point being to fill in corners or aspects of the canon continuity that hadn't been dealt with by the comic itself. This is a missing scene, and hopefully you'll be able to see where it's meant to fit in...
> 
> Enjoy!

WAIT.  
WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED, EXACTLY? 

She sits alone on a metal shelf above oblivion and she cries and she cries.

She hates crying. She hates the way you can’t stop it once it starts. It’s her body, after all; she should be able to tell it what to do. Is there any sentence in language more useless, more fundamentally flawed in its logic and its execution, than _stop crying_? It’s like _don’t sneeze,_ or _forget about him._ It just doesn’t work. If you can stop, you aren’t really crying at all.

She hates the way her tears taste as they trickle down her cheeks and bead at the corners of her mouth and find their way onto her teeth and tongue whenever she gulps down more air to feed the whole fatuous process a little longer. She told him his tears tasted like cotton candy, but that was just to fuck with him, like half the other stuff she said and now kind of wishes she hadn’t. In fact they tasted like her own; too much like her own. Teal salt and old brass and an edge of blood, but not enough: none of the richness, all of the pain. She can’t imagine anyone liking the taste of tears. They hurt too much.

She really has to think about something else.

  


TG: i was expecting like a throne or some shit  
TG: maybe a big old cauldron full of rainbow sparkles  
TG: a thirty foot cock made of solid crystal thrusting up from the virgin earth  
TG: you know something inherently goddamn heroic like that  
TG: this is a bed   
GC: Y3S!  
GC: DO3SNT 1T LOOK COSY 4ND 1NV1T1NG?? >:]   
TG: no it looks like ass  
TG: and not plush puppet ass either  
TG: fucking things made of stone  
TG: who has a king size four poster made of fucking granite in their bachelor pad  
TG: hey baby lets take this to the bedroom  
TG: mmm yeah gonna get down tonight  
TG: ow fuck my hip  
TG: jesus i think i skinned my elbow  
TG: this is a total fucking washout lets watch justified instead   
GC: D4V3 ONC3 4G41N TH3 F1LTHY SP3CUL4T1ONS OF YOUR D3PR4V3D M1ND H4V3 L3D YOU W1LDLY 4STR4Y >:O  
GC: 1 R34L1S3 TH3 B3D 1S 4 F4VOUR3D LOC4T1ON FOR TH3 W31RD 4ND K1ND OF UNCOMFORT4BL3-LOOK1NG CONCUP1SC3NT 43ROB1CS SO B3LOV3D OF YOUR SP3C13S   
TG: right up there with kitchen counters yep   
GC: BUT WH4T 3LS3 M1GHT 1T B3 US3D FOR?    
TG: fuck if i know  
TG: pillow fights in girls dorms maybe  
TG: that shit happens all the time  
TG: cept if candi playfully swats nikki with one of those things shes going to put the poor kid in traction  
TG: blunt object trauma aint all that hot even in a frilly nightie  
TG: cause of death: softcore lesbian hijinx gone hideously wrong  
TG: goddammit thats the fourth one this month   
GC: 4RGGH >XO  
GC: 4R3 4LL HUM4NS TH1S OBS3SS3D W1TH R3PRODUCT1ON 4ND 1TS 4FF1L14T3D 4CT1V1T13S  
GC: OR 1S 1T JUST 4NOTH3R SYMPTOM OF YOUR UN1QU3 D3V14NC3??    
TG: oh come on youre not seriously telling me teenage trolls dont spend half the time thinking about sex  
TG: or in your case buckets or whatever i guess  
TG: i aint buying it  
TG: hormones is hormones   
GC: TH4T  
GC: 1S NOT 4 R3L3V4NT L1N3 OF 3NQU1RY R1GHT NOW! 

Not for the first time she was glad the viewport only went one way. She could be as stern and rational about this as she liked, but he was right: this was weird. She had to try and get him into bed. The fact that it was a magical stone bed on a planet full of crocodiles obsessed with fiscal speculation didn’t change the fact. In her session the significance of the quest cocoons had been obvious: there was only one thing you _did_ in a cocoon. For humans it was clearly different. As with so many aspects of Earth culture, the layers of suggestion and implication ran deep and treacherous. You could never rely on surface meanings with these people; there was always something going on beneath, and it was usually quadrants. She imagined their roles reversed, Dave trying to convince her to climb bodily into a colossal stone pail, and blushed even harder.

And she _had_ been thinking about pails more than usual, just recently. But he didn’t need to know that.

GC: COM3 ON D4V3  
GC: C34S3 TH3S3 L3WD SP3CUL4T1ONS  
GC: YOU KNOW P3RF3CTLY W3LL WH4T TH1S B3D 1S FOR   
TG: yeah  
TG: let me get this straight  
TG: i lie down on that fucker  
TG: arms all crossed on my chest like pharaoh tutankhulkid  
TG: and a few seconds later an outrageously good looking dude from the future pops up and shows me his stabs  
TG: and then i get the motherfucking tiger  
TG: and go off and show john what its like being a god with powers that dont utterly blow  
TG: literally   
GC: 1M 4FR41D 1TS NOT QU1T3 TH4T S1MPL3 >:\   
TG: oh wait let me guess  
TG: i have to be naked  
TG: and so does he  
TG: and we both have to be covered in special magic baby oil  
TG: also we have to wrestle to see who gets to be god  
TG: thats the plan isnt it tz  
TG: i may not be the seer of mind but i have my moments of staggering insight   
GC: NO D4V3  
GC: 1 M34N YOU C4N B3 N4K3D 4ND GL1ST3N1NG 1F YOU W4NT 1 SUPPOS3  
GC: 1 SH4NT STOP YOU >;]  
GC: BUT TH4TS NOT TH3 PO1NT  
GC: TH3 PO1NT 1S TH4T YOU H4V3 TO GO TO SL33P   
TG: what  
TG: seriously   
GC: Y3P!  
GC: YOU H4V3 TO CURL UP 4ND DOZ3 OFF L1K3 4N 4DOR4BL3 W1GGL3R >:]  
GC: TH3 SHOCK OF D34TH 4ND TH3 3NSU1NG TR4NS1T1ON TO GOD T13R WOULD D4M4G3 OR D3STROY 4 CONSC1OUS M1ND  
GC: 1F YOU W4NT TO DO TH1S PROP3RLY YOU N33D TO B3 4SL33P   
TG: well fuck  
TG: that aint gonna be too easy you know  
TG: hang on let me just whip out my insomniacs guide to the land of fucking nod  
TG: step one ensure your bed is comfortable  
TG: aw shit  
TG: step two clear your mind of unpleasant thoughts or worries for the future  
TG: cool cool ill just lie here wondering when im going to be murdered  
TG: basically all i need is a double espresso and i have like the perfect recipe for ten hours untroubled slumber   
GC: R4MP4NT SM4RT4SS3RY 4S1D3 1 DO 4CTU4LLY SYMP4TH1S3  
GC: 1 UND3RST4ND TH1S W1LL NOT B3 34SY  
GC: BUT TH3R3 R34LLY 1S NO OTH3R W4Y >:[   
TG: ok well  
TG: lemme just lie down on this magical fucking snooze altar  
TG: huh  
TG: could be worse i suppose  
TG: now i guess i try and think beautiful thoughts  
TG: imagine a happy sheep in a sunlit field  
TG: oh wait its been assassinated by a sheep from the future   
GC: M4YB3 YOU WOULD G3T TO SL33P F4ST3R 1F YOU T4LK3D L3SS? >:P   
TG: haha yeah sorry  
TG: ill shut up for a bit  
TG: just lie here and count retarded crocodiles   
GC: OK4Y W3LL 1 SH4LL L3T YOU SL33P  
GC: BUT GOOD LUCK!  
GC: 1 4M SUR3 3V3RYTH1NG W1LL WORK OUT F1N3 >:]

She thought then that typing that last smile would be the hardest thing she ever did. But she hadn’t counted on the next part.

GC: D4V3 4S MUCH 4S 1 3NJOY OUR CONV3RS4T1ONS  
GC: YOU W1LL N3V3R 4CH13V3 TH3 R3QU1S1T3 ST4T3 OF UNCONSC1OUSN3SS 1F YOU H4V3 4N 4W3SOM3 TROLL G1RL TO D1STR4CT YOU! >:|   
TG: nah im not looking for a distaction  
TG: seriously i wont talk or anything  
TG: just  
TG: can you kind of  
TG: not go anywhere for a bit  
TG: fuck thats so incredibly stupid  
TG: forget it  
TG: you go off and do your own shit  
TG: punch vantas in the face for me ok   
GC: ...  
GC: D4V3

She wanted to touch him, then, more than anything. She pressed two fingers to her screen and fancied for a moment she could feel the pulse of his doomed heart ticking through the glass.

GC: 1 W1LL ST4Y R1GHT H3R3 UNT1L YOU F4LL 4SL33P  
GC: 1 PROM1S3   
TG: awesome  
TG: just in case you know i suddenly remember some shit  
TG: like i forgot to turn the oven off or something  
TG: you know how it is you always think of the weirdest shit before you drop off

TG: jegus turns out when youre about to get stabbed  
TG: its really fuckin hard to think about anything thats not getting stabbed  
TG: who knew   
GC: T3LL M3 4BOUT JUST1F13D D4V3   
TG: what   
GC: YOU M3NT1ON3D 1T 34RL13R  
GC: 1T 1S SOM3 SORT OF 34RTH 3NT3RT41NM3NT 1 TH1NK?    
TG: oh shit yeah  
TG: its rad as hell  
TG: its about this cool dude with an incredibly sweet hat  
TG: i mean this guy is brinking on absolute goddamn zero he is so cool  
TG: walks into the room and penguins shiver  
TG: hes a deputy marshal which is kinda like a policeman  
TG: or a legislacerator i guess  
TG: and he basically just shoots everyone and is an impossible badass   
GC: DO 4LL TH3 34RTH L4D13S SWOON 1MPL4US1BLY OV3R H1M?    
TG: yeah they kinda do  
TG: but the dude who plays him is like sex on legs or so i hear  
TG: so its not that unlikely really   
GC: SO 3SS3NT14LLY 1T 1S TH3 STORY OF 4 H4NDSOM3 COOLK1D WHO GROWS UP TO B3 4 RUTHL3SS 3NFORC3R OF TH3 L4W?  
GC: 1 DONT KNOW D4V3

GC: DO3SNT SOUND 4LL TH4T 3NT3RT41N1NG TO M3 >:D   
TG: hahaha yeah youd probably hate it   
GC: DO3S H3 H4V3 4 P4RTN3R WHO 1S 4 BR1LL14NT D3T3CT1V3  
GC: 4ND WHO 1S OCC4S1ON4LLY FORC3D TO R3STR41N H1M FROM H1S HOTH34D3D COOLK1D 3XC3SS3S?    
TG: actually  
TG: thats the only thing could possibly make that show better  
TG: a blind chick whos pretty much insane  
TG: but freakishly good at second guessing shit  
TG: and also smelling things  
TG: she tracks down the criminals  
TG: he shoots them in cool ways

GC: ...

GC: YOUR3 R1GHT, TH4T WOULD B3 4M4Z1NG  
GC: 1 C4NT R34LLY D3NY 1T   
TG: hell no you cant  
TG: theyd have to make up new awards specially  
TG: tell you what  
TG: when i wake up im pretty much going to be jesus right  
TG: only less peaceable  
TG: angry time samurai jesus  
TG: so first thing imma do is find jack noir and kick that motherfucker to the curb  
TG: serve him a piping hot plate of his own ass  
TG: maybe take john along too as like a mascot  
TG: but then im going to find some kind of portal or make one or whatever  
TG: and come and get you out of your fucking stupid troll universe  
TG: and well go back to mine and watch season one on dvd  
TG: order some pizza  
TG: just kinda chill for a bit  
TG: hows that sound   
GC: W3LL  
GC: 1 SUPPOS3 1 C4N PROB4BLY COP3 W1TH TH4T  
GC: 1N TH3 4BS3NC3 OF 4NY B3TT3R OFF3RS   
TG: sweet  
TG: cause you know this pesterchum deal is for the fucking birds  
TG: i mean weve been talking for like a week and i still dont know what you look like  
TG: except from all those shitty cartoons you sent me  
TG: which frankly are not as fucking helpful as you might imagine  
TG: since im assuming you dont actually look like a goblin with adhd   
GC: H3Y!! >:|

TG: yeah i know  
TG: but this way i got something to look forward to  
TG: other than getting murdered all to fuck i mean   
GC: 4LR1GHT D4V3, 1T 1S 4 D34L  
GC: COM3 4ND F1ND M3 WH3N YOU H4V3 S4V3D YOUR UN1V3RS3  
GC: 4ND 1 W1LL V1S1T YOUR H1V3, 4ND YOU C4N 1NTRODUC3 M3 TO TH3 D3L1GHTS OF 34RTH CULTUR3 >:]   
TG: kk awesome  
TG: getting kinda sleepy now actually  
TG: figure ill just shut my eyes  
TG: see you when i wake up tz

She kept the viewing window open until she was sure he was asleep. The cursor blinked patiently for input. Slowly, carefully, she typed a spiky open bracket, and then a number three.

Then she tapped Delete twice and clicked the window shut, and went to talk to another Dave, one who was still Dave and still gave her sass and smelt wonderful and pissed her off and did all the right things, but who was not and maybe never would be coming to drag her from the ruins of her shattered universe and take her home to curl up on the couch and watch TV.

And now she sits by herself in a rock and metal tomb the size of a city, turning serenely on its axis through infinite space, and she cries silently, and she regrets those last two key strokes with every stupid tear that drips into the abyss.


End file.
